“The next morning when I awoke feeling terrible, Josh gave my clothes back and offered me a job as an “escort” for some of his high-quality clients. I refused and got out of there as quickly as possible. I have never told anyone about this night until now.”
” Since that time my sexual fantasies have always involved being forced to submit to a dominant person. When I was younger it was the schoolboy submitting to teacher and receiving a bare ass spanking. Later it was an older woman who forced me to strip and masturbate for her because she caught me looking at pictures of her naked daughter. In recent years it has been being forced by either a man or woman to do whatever they demanded of me. Each time I become excited and then masturbate.”
Sean asked, “Have you ever actually had any of these fantasies or been encouraged by your wife to express them?”
I could only shake my head no.
“Your experience in college helps explains why you see yourself as a submissive. Now let me ask another question. You had a traumatic experience that you found forbidden but exciting. That sense of excitement has survived despite the way you have lived your life. What do you feel about your sexual orientation?”
I again hesitated.
Sean persisted, “What do you like? Do you see yourself, as a heterosexual , bisexual, gay, transgender, or something else.”
With hesitation I said, ” I am straight and like women.”
Sean nodding his head then asked, “Are you sure? You may like women, but have you ever thought about relationships with men or transgender people?”
I responded, “No.”
He then asked, “After your college experience, is there any lingering thought that submitting to a dominant male is your real turn on?”
Sean continued to press me. “What type of porn do you enjoy most and which ones provide you the uncontrollable urge to masturbate?”
I hesitated again.
“Ok, what type of porn to you watch most: men on women, men on men, BDSM, Femdom, transgender?”
I slowly started to respond. “Well, since this is private, I originally enjoyed porn where women took control and spanked naked men. Then one day I found a video where a dominant man completely took control of a sub male and after totally humiliating him, fucked him in the ass. That seemed to trigger my interest for some reason. That started me on a string of porn which featured anal sex. The idea of someone penetrating my ass and having complete control made me excited. I remember a line from one of those videos, ‘I control your ass and that gives me control of you. You will do whatever I want.’. For some reason I can’t get that out of my head. ”
Sean asked, “Have you ever had anal sex?”
“No, I have not. Well that one time in college but that was forced on me. Every time I masturbate after watching one of those movies, I feel guilty. But I watch another one.”
“Do you see yourself as gay?”
“Absolutely not. I love women. I am ashamed that I have a small cock and that does not satisfy them like a big one would.”
“Ok, it sounds like you are more oriented to being bisexual. Is there anything else that seems to turn you on when you watch porn?”