My emotions were terribly unpredictable. I’d been entrenched with unspeakable despair and guilt, and it was redeeming to feel love and attraction and lust so strong that the despair was pushed aside. As incredible as it sounds considering our circumstances, I forgot about Zara.
But a different emotion surfaced. It took a while for my roiling feelings to make room for it, but very soon I felt conflicted about kissing Allie like this. This was not a sisterly kiss. As much as I cherished this moment with her, I broke away to express this new emotion.
As I thought about what to say, Allie reached her hands under my shirt and caressed me with her fingers. I felt her fingers on my stomach, my side, my chest. The sensation of her hand on my bare skin gave me goosebumps.
At last I said, “Allie, are you OK with this? I mean, I know we might be infected, but I’m still your brother.”
She didn’t respond at first, but instead lifted her hands up inside my shirt, enough that I raised my arms almost instinctively. She pulled my shirt over my head and deposited it on the floor before answering. “Jase, I’m not going to miss out on this. I have always loved you, and I need this right now.” She wasn’t looking me in the eye as she spoke. She was letting her hands explore my upper body, and her eyes were following her hands. But then she stared in my eyes before saying, “I need you.”
“We need each other,” I said.
She rolled me onto my back and climbed on top of me, letting her nose and mouth follow her hands across my chest and shoulders. I could feel her weight pressing against me, and the pressure drew attention to the titanium rod between my legs that hadn’t subsided for any part of this conversation.
She passed a hand across my chest and then lightly kissed the nipple left in its wake. Then I felt her tongue against the same nipple, lapping it gently at first, then more firmly. The feeling was divine. She closed her lips around it and sucked while I watched the top of her head as it pivoted around her lips. She positioned the pink nub between her teeth and gave it just a little squeeze, but not enough to be painful. Considering her revelation earlier, I wondered if she was demonstrating what she wanted from me..
While she repeated on my other nipple, I pulled the bottom of her tank top up and revealed her midriff. As I hoped, she separated her body from mine for just long enough that I could peel off her top. I let my hands explore her body, tracing a finger under her bra strap here and there, feeling her perfect skin.
Her bra wasn’t fancy, an ordinary off-white satin without any enhancements like scallops or lace or embroidery. The lack of a clasp in the front told me that it fastened in back. I pressed my hand against the satin covering her left breast and let it stay still. Just feeling the curve of her body was erotic. As she moved around, my hand shifted a bit and I could feel her nipple, electric through the fabric.
I wanted her bra to be gone, but I didn’t want to move too fast. There wasn’t any guidance on how quickly to take off a woman’s bra when the woman was your sister and she might be dying.