“Yeah.”
A tear rolled down her cheek as she spoke. “And one minute we’re kissing and I’m enjoying it, and the next minute he’s squeezing that thing inside me and it wasn’t feeling good at all. I was yelling and I tried to shove him off me, but I couldn’t.”
“Let me get this straight,” I said. “He had sex with you and you didn’t want to. How is that not rape?”
“It wasn’t rape, I’m telling you. I never felt threatened.”
“Have you told anyone else about this?”
“No.”
“God, Allie, I’m so sorry that happened to you. What that guy did is inexcusable. It’s a crime, actually. If you’d called the cops they’d have put him in jail. Don’t you know about the Me Too thing? It’s been all over.”
“Yeah, well, instead I broke up with him.”
I said, “Oo, that’s even worse than jail, right?”
She smiled, then sniffled and wiped away a tear. “And you want to know the worst part? That was my first time. I broke up with him, but not before he took my virginity.”
I put my hand on her knee. “Allie, that’s awful. What a terrible first time. After what that guy did to you, I feel like going over there to deliberately breathe on him.”
This got a little laugh out of her.
I continued, “You know it’s not supposed to be that way, right?”
She looked down and didn’t respond at first, and I thought she might not have heard the question. After a long pause, still looking down, she said, “No.”
“Are you saying that was your only time having sex?”
She nodded.
“Dammit, I’m so sorry, Allie. I wish that wasn’t your only time, because it’s supposed to be way better than that.” I leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. A brotherly gesture. As if our situation wasn’t bad enough, I was dredging up more painful memories.
We sat quietly for a little while before she said, “Jase? Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“It’s OK if you don’t want to answer.”
“OK,” I said, wondering what kind of question could prompt such a warning.
“Would you tell me what it’s supposed to be like?”
I looked at her in shock. “What?”
“You know, what it’s supposed to be like when you have, you know.”
“Allie, I think you know the basic mechanics. Plus, it’s not like you can’t find plenty of examples online.”
“Yeah, but I want to know what it’s like for real people. I want to know from someone I can trust to tell me the truth. Maybe pick a time with Skye when it was really perfect, and tell me what happened. I told you about Max, after all.”
“Are you sure you want me to do this?”
“If I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t have asked.”
I coughed and said, “OK, well, if you want me to stop, just say so.”
Allie sucked in a breath and her eyes widened like I’d never seen before. “Jase, oh my god, you coughed.”
“Jesus, you’re right.” I took stock of myself and said, “But it was nothing. I’m feeling fine. Plus, it’s too early to cough anyway. I’m not supposed to cough until tomorrow. I’m sure it was just a normal cough.”
“Yeah. You’re probably right,” she said. “Go on with the story.”
“Right. Story now, coughing later.”
“Very funny.”
“So. The time I’ll tell you about is once when we went to Skye’s parents’ house for the weekend. They lived about an hour from campus, but they were gone on vacation and we had the house to ourselves the whole time.”