I sat there, incredibly embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything. I shouldn’t have done that. I love having you here but I shouldn’t have done that.”
Ellie stood there, then turned toward the hallway to her room. “I need to go to my room now, I need to go to bed. I can’t just sit down and go back to watching TV right now…” She looked back at me and saw how upset I looked. I could see her trying to figure everything out. Finally she said, “I’m not mad at you. I’m really not. And I’m not going to say it didn’t feel good. I’m not saying that at all. But to me, Brandon is my brother, and that just makes it wrong.
“Look, I’m confused. I’m not sure what to think, or what to do. I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast, okay? And no, I’m really not mad at you, so don’t worry. I still love you very much.”
There it was. It had been so nice having Ellie here, having dinner with her, watching TV with her, and now I had totally blown it. I felt miserable. I certainly didn’t want her to move out because I’d been so stupid. What was I thinking?
I turned off the TV and went into my bedroom. I heard the water running in the bathroom so I figured Ellie was brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed. I wanted to stay out of her way for now, so I just waited until I heard the bathroom door open and her bedroom door close. I went into the bathroom and peed and brushed my teeth and then went back to my bedroom.
I got into bed and tried to fall asleep, but that wasn’t working. I thought about jerking off to try and relax, but I felt like that would make me feel like a total perv. So I just lay there, and tried not to think, until somehow I finally fell asleep.
* * *
I was the first one up the next morning. I was still thinking about what had happened yesterday and wondering what it was going to be like seeing Ellie when she got up.
I took a quick shower and got dressed and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast. I decided to go all out and make eggs and bacon and pancakes. I didn’t know if it would help the situation, but was the best thing I could think of. A lot of Saturday mornings I would just head out for coffee and a muffin at a local coffee shop, but that really wasn’t going to give us the same chance to talk — if she was still talking to me, that is.
I was in the middle of cooking when Ellie came in, dressed for the day. “Good morning, Brandon. Looks like you’re putting out quite a spread. I usually don’t get that elaborate for breakfast. But I appreciate you doing that.”
Breakfast turned out well, even the pancakes were done just right. We didn’t talk a lot over breakfast, but the mood seemed much lighter than last night.
After breakfast, we sat there for a while drinking coffee, and then Ellie said, “I was looking online, and there’s some shopping I need to do in town. You showed me where the bus stop is so I can just take the bus. I should be back around 3 or 4 o’clock.”
She didn’t suggest that I come along with her. I wasn’t sure whether I should read anything into that or not. I mean, if it hadn’t been for last night, I could have seen us enjoying going around shopping together. She didn’t seem to be upset, but she didn’t want me along either.