And Carrie, I don’t hate you. I love you and always will. You better believe it. That love was sealed forever in your parents’ backyard under the stars when we were 15. No one can take that away from me forever. That is mine. And it’s also yours. Forever.
I want to say so much more to you but it seems so senseless and I feel so tired all the time now. My mind can’t rest. I am just drifting and need desperately something to hold on to, but I don’t know where to reach.
Carrie, we need to get some things straight. I’m not telling anyone anything about what happened. Understand, I’m not abandoning you or the children. Ever. I love you all so much, it pains me as I write this. And I promise Carrie, I will do everything I can to make you all happy to the best of my ability. Money, bills, the insurance, being there for you and the children.
Also, I’ve left a copy of the entire 3-hour video we made along with a few different copies I edited so you can view without me. You’ll find them in the drawer on the night table on your side of the bed. I know you will want to throw them away immediately but you should really look at them a least once before you do. It’s not a dig at you, but for one moment try and understand where I am coming from. Imagine if our roles had been reversed? If you would watch them, and try to see them through my eyes, to see the only woman I have ever loved so much happier without me in the equation, you will not touch the depth of pain I will carry in my heart forever. This was your fantasy and never mine ever. Do you know what my fantasy was? You. You alone Carrie.
Look, I don’t know what else to say here. Everything will work itself out eventually. That’s the way of the world. But, I seriously need some space now to think. I know the problems are all in my head, but when I see you now, I don’t feel good about myself at all. I can’t live a life like that. So…
This evening when I come home I will pack a few things after the kids are in bed and check into a motel for a bit. I’ll be by every day after to work to check on everyone. Promise. I will cash in some of our mutual funds and leave you the money this evening. I know it will help you feel better-having cash on hand and everything. Also, if either our folks call and ask for me, just tell them I’m in the bathroom or mall or whatever. My cell is still the same so you can text me. I don’t know what to do with all the holidays coming up. We will sit down and work this out together at later date, but I want you thinking about now. We need some kind of plan here. I guess that’s about it.
Carrie, I’m sorry. I love you now and always will. Talk to you soon. We’ll get through this. Love you always, Dan
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