My Dearest Carrie,
I know you had a rough night last night, but honestly, I’m not feeling too great either. I watched the video a couple more times after you went to bed. You are quite beautiful. I really mean that. Maybe I should have said it more often? I never told you this, but I want to now. I fell in love you the first time I saw you. We were only 14. That seems so long ago and I wish we could go back there again. One thing for sure, I am so happy we shared the experience of being each other’s first.
I really do understand how bad you feel now and I’m sorry about the stupid commentary last night. It was uncalled for. I have been hurting so bad the past couple of days it just all came out. I’m glad you left when you did because last night because it was the first time in our lives I have ever wanted to beat you.
So, now what?
I’m totally lost and I don’t have the kind of compass or map to figure a way to where we were before. We have been together since we were kids. We both know each other well, at least I thought I did, but that night, when you told me not only were you ok but you felt great, I could see it. I saw something I have never seen before. You looked so content and satisfied with everything he was doing to you. I can’t look at you now knowing I can’t give you those same feelings of pleasure. I wish I could, but I can’t. And I feel so sick inside now knowing I am not a guy who can rock your world. I feel like I have suddenly been woken up after all these years together and see we have been living a lie. That you have been lying to me. And honestly, it’s eating me up inside and killing me.
The worst part of this is doubting if you ever received or enjoyed any pleasure from me at all. Carrie darling, believe it or not, that was always important for me. From what I saw the other night and from the video, I haven’t. I wish you had told me something was wrong with us and gave me a chance to do better. I would have tried so much harder to make sex more pleasurable for you. I feel so stupid and ashamed I couldn’t see what you were missing all these years.
With all that said, our physical relationship has come to an end. Game over. I don’t want to play with you anymore. I can’t compete at that level. I still love you as much as I ever did. But in my mind, I still see all those images of you and him with his big black cock. I have been comparing myself with your friend the other night since. I have seen that video so many times enough now to know he’s a better man than me at satisfying you. You’d be lying to yourself if you don’t believe that. I can’t compete with that and I won’t even try. Ever again. There are not of enough words for me to sincerely express to you how truly sorry I failed you in that way. Anyway, you won’t have to fake it with me anymore because I won’t let you.
When I asked you if that black cock fantasy of yours is what you really wanted, you said it was. How could I refuse you? You knew I wouldn’t. You know my craziness and I know yours. But I wasn’t giving you permission for your fantasy. I was confirming what I already knew. I saw it in your eyes that night. An after that first conversation, I knew you would follow thru eventually with or without me. This way I knew for sure.
wpDiscuz