The first day I was home, my mother and I drove to my grandparents to visit. They live two hours away so we had plenty of time to chat. On the way up, we talked about my school and your typical neighborhood gossip. On the way back home, we felt the relief of having done our duty visiting the cranky old folks. We had also has a few glasses of wine so our conversation was much more open and lighthearted. I brought up the rumor of my senior prom date. She was now pregnant from a local community college football player. Thing is, she didn’t know which one. Seems she banged several over the course of a drunken weekend. This surprised my mom.
‘Really? She seemed like such a good girl when you two dated.’
‘She was always super horny, mom. My buddy Curtis took her virginity our junior year. I took her to prom because she was cute and fun. I never thought of her as a serious girlfriend. She wanted to have sex on prom night. When I told her I didn’t have any condoms, she said she didn’t care. I think she wanted me to get her pregnant then. I think she saw me as a good catch and getting pregnant with my kid would have made me hers forever.’
‘That little slut… well, she is right. You are a catch. You’re the jackpot, baby. So smart, strong and sexy…’ She leaned over and kissed my cheek as I drove. After a pause, she continued, ‘You know, your father and I have been trying to get me pregnant since you left for college.’
‘Really? That’s awesome.’
‘I’m at that age where, if we’re going to do it, we got to do it now. I’m 36 and feeling a strong, strong urge to have one more child.’
‘I think that’s fantastic, mom. How is Operation Baby going?’
She let out a discouraged sigh. ‘Not so good. Your father, he’s older now. Getting it up and getting it in is not a problem thanks to the little blue pill. He’s just not making many swimmers like he used to.’
‘Swimmers, mom?’
‘Stop it. You know what I mean.’ She playfully slapped my shoulder.
‘Hee hee, I know. It seems with people having children so much later in life, the age of optimum sperm production is wasted on the young.’
‘If you and your father could just switch bodies for one night..’
‘Speaking of sons knocking up their mothers, did you know Curtis’s biological father is really his older brother?’
‘What??!!’
I immediately regretted disclosing that. First, it was told to me in confidence. Second, I wasn’t so sure my mother could handle that news as analytically as I did. His mom and mine weren’t best friends but they did socialize fairly regular. If my mom couldn’t keep this secret, things could get real dramatic in the neighborhood.
So I told her the story as it was told to me. I emphasized Curtis’s view of the situation. I explained I was in agreement. It was a matter of biologic history at this point and nothing else. Then I pulled the car into the nearest gas station and put it in park.
‘Listen, you can’t ever tell anyone about this, ok? Curtis trusted me with that story. I should have never said anything. Please, if you love me, you’ll never mention this to anyone. Promise me?’