There was a long silence where all that could be heard was our ragged breathing. I was staring at the ceiling contemplating what had just happened between us and I think Jason was too. I was so afraid he was going to regret what we’d done. My hand sought his and when I found it, our fingers laced together. I held his hand, not sure what to say or do until the silence became deafening to me.
“Jason…I love you.”
“I love you too mom,” his voice was quiet and reserved.
“Baby, I don’t want you to regret what we did. It was wonderful…” my words trailed off but I couldn’t stop there, “I don’t want this to change things between us.”
He turned his head toward me, “How can it not change things between us?” I felt terror at his words. I turned to face him and I guess I was crying because he reached over and wiped tears from my cheeks. “Don’t cry mom. I didn’t mean that in a bad way.”
I let out an audible sigh, “I was so worried you thought I was a terrible person.”
He kissed me softly then said, “How could I possibly think that. You’re the most wonderful woman I know.”
That did it. The flood gates opened and I really started to cry. They were tears of joy but I was blubbering like a little girl. My beautiful boy didn’t think I was a disgusting monster and that put me on cloud nine. I clung to him as the tears flowed. He was caressing my back and combing his fingers through my sweat soaked hair the whole time I was making a fool outta myself. When I was finally able to look him in the eye again he gave me a big smile and my heart melted.
“Mom…Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure honey, anything?” I responded with a sniffle.
“When did you first start to…ya know…think about having sex with me?”
My cheeks felt like they were on fire. I can’t believe I’m embarrassed about anything after what had just happened, especially an honest question like that. I must have felt self conscious about how long I’ve lusted for him and all of my lascivious thoughts and deeds since I first felt those incestuous urges. He remained smiling, patiently waiting for my answer.
“Do you remember that day I caught you and Christy fucking on my living room couch?” he was now blushing too, “When I saw your beautiful cock standing straight up, all wet with her juices, I knew I had to have you.”
“Why did it take you so long to do anything about it?”
“Jason, you have to understand I’m not supposed to have those kinds of thoughts about my son. It’s wrong on so many levels. I felt so dirty yet I couldn’t stop thinking about you in that way. I thought I was a horrible person so I did my best to hide it,” I could feel the tears welling again.
He leaned in and kissed me and it felt like the weight of the world was lifted from me. We kissed for several minutes after that. It wasn’t like before, urgent and lustful, but soft and loving. We held each other, caressed each other, just enjoying our new found intimacy. The next time we broke, I had a nagging question for him.
“So…How long have you been lusting for me?”