The truth is I was much too young and far too naive to ever have to courage to try anything like I’d described. The ideas were great fantasies and fuelled many masturbation sessions, but they were not in any way practical and I knew they were never going to leave the safety of my mind. That said, all those fantasies eventually affected me and my behaviour, and made something different and slightly darker happen.
In truth my obsession with my mother’s body began to consume me and I couldn’t stop it ‘leaking’ out into the real world. It began with me watching her more intently and looking for chances to see more of her ‘flesh’. I tried to spy on her in the hope of seeing something. I’d go unexpectedly into the bathroom when I knew she was there. I even tried looking through the keyhole in her bedroom door right after she’d retired for the night. None of these attempts were particularly successful, but they were indicative of the fact I was becoming more fixated on mother and more excited about the whole idea. I began to masturbate more frequently, and imagine ways to catch her without her clothes.
Increasingly I found myself in her bedroom when she was out. Feeling her bras, fondling her stockings, and exploring deep in her underwear drawers. I found a white bone corset with clips hanging down for stockings. I wasn’t quite sure how it worked, but to me it was exotic and thrilling. I pulled it around my waist and tried to imagine my mother wearing it.
Gradually these visits ramped up. Once I waited till mother had just left, stripped myself naked and went to her bedroom. I put on one of her old-fashioned pointed bras, stuffed it with panties to make it look real, and groped at it as if it contained authentic breasts. Then I slipped on one of her suspender belts and carefully rolled a pair of stockings over my legs. I stood in from of the mirror imagining this was my mother I was seeing. Then I lay on her bed and started fondling my own legs, running my hands up and down mother’s stockings. I was entranced by the feel of the nylon. It was so incredibly exciting I couldn’t stop myself from ejaculating there and then. But afterwards I was shaking uncontrollably, part from excitement, part from fear of getting caught, and hurriedly I put everything back and tried to clear up my mess. I was sure however I’d left some dried semen on one of her nylons.
But it was in the evening time I made my most significant moves. The dark hours just before bed had always been the most sensual, with mother sitting there (or lying on the sofa) half asleep. She’d always looked ‘vulnerable’ but now that vulnerability seemed exciting. The first time anything actually happened was on a Friday night. She’d been out playing bridge with some of her ‘old crony’ friends. Usually in the evening she worn a white linen nightdress under her dressing gown, but if she’d been out she’d often just take off her skirt and top, not bother to remove her nylons, and then just cover herself with the gown.