I spontaneously lifted the bottom of my shirt to show Luke my abs. I didn’t realize that I had shown my son some under-boob as well. Luke got an eyeful but didn’t let on. He gave me a wolf whistle in approval.
That whistle jostled my memory of the dick pic he sent me last night. I don’t think he’s checked his text messages yet since Luke is still acting like Luke. As I was heading out the door I said:
I need to talk to you about something when I get back from the gym, ok?”
“No problem mom, I’m still kinda hung over from last night so I was just going to hang around the house.”
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“YOUR SON SENT YOU WHAT?!?” Lana screamed.
“Lana…shut up!” I hissed as we walked towards my car. “He sent me a pic of his junk when he was drunk last night.”
“On purpose?”
“No you idiot! He was trying to send a friends with benefits request to some girl named, “May” except he typed, “Ma” by mistake.”
“Let me see it!”
“Why the hell do you want to see a pic of your nephew’s dick?” exasperated by her request.
“Because I’m a big pervert…now show me!”
“Fine! Wait a sec.” A moment after my fingerprint unlocked my iPhone, I handed it to my sister for her reaction. She quickly opened up the Message app and clicked on the photo in question.
“Goddamn Lucy! I had no idea that Luke was packing that cannon. The kid’s only 5’8″! How’s that even possible? How big is that monster, eight inches?”
“It’s definitely nine inches” I replied with conviction.
“Wait a minute…something’s up with the way you said that. What aren’t you telling me?” Lana asked. She could always tell when I was lying or holding something back. I took a deep breath and told her everything.
“I’m so fucked up Lana…I don’t know what the hell I was thinking last night. I’ve never seen a cock like that before. When I got my hand around it, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”
“Look Lucy, you’re not nuts or a perve. You are just horny as fuck! When was the last time you got some?”
“Oh god…seven, maybe eight months ago. It was a week before I found out that Mike was leaving me for that bitch!”
“Jesus Lucy! I would have been riding anything resembling a dick like a nympho if I had gone eight months with no fucking! Seriously…the stick shift on my Lexus, my bedpost…anything!
Honestly though Lucy, I think you should take advantage of your son’s huge sausage. Keep it on the down low and enjoy yourself. Do you remember that basketball player I dated in college? His name was Ivan…I think he was from the Czech Republic or maybe Poland. Anyway, he had a huge wang! They’re fucking awesome when you find one! Luke could be your friend with benefits.”
“Lana, he’s my fucking son!”
“It’s like you have a winning lottery ticket and you’re too afraid to cash it in. Cash that fucking ticket in Lucy! Just don’t go blabbing about it on Jerry Springer or your Facebook page…no harm, no foul.”
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I entered my house and noticed Luke pacing in the living room. The second he saw me, it looked like he had seen a ghost.
“So Luke…I guess you figured out what I wanted to talk to you about.”