It turns out that Mother had harbored the same thoughts and feelings that I had. “I’ve always known that I was sheltering you, Conrad,” she told me with a tinge of regret in her voice while we talked about it in bed after putting Amity to sleep. “At times, I even realized it WHILE it was happening. Every once in a while I tried to let you branch out and interact with the world, but every time you came back with a sour demeanor. Maybe it was partly my fault, due to how I raised you, or maybe it was something our father had taught you when you were younger, I don’t really know, but I came to realize that you didn’t really WANT much contact with the outside world. You took a few bites of it and simply found that you didn’t like the taste.”
I nodded thoughtfully about that. “I guess, yeah, that makes some sense,” I answered. “Everything just felt… I dunno… alien to me in some way. Like there was a joke that everyone understood and I just wasn’t getting it. I felt frustrated out there, really.”
Mother smiled sweetly in agreement. “I know. Part of me was relieved when I realized that about you, but part of me was a little sad. Before my mother died, I got to see some of the outside world. It’s a big place and there’s no shortage of things to learn out there. I… I wanted more of it, truth be told. But then she started getting sick and Dad needed me more… so I just… let it go. I had more important things to think about and do.”
“And then I came along,” I added sourly.
My mother’s face became stern. “I don’t ever want you to think that you robbed me of anything, son. Nothing could be further from the truth. You’ve given my life meaning and value from the moment you were born. You’ve given me everything I could ever want, including a daughter. I gave up any dreams of going out there NOT because of you, but because the presence of you gave me more than the outside world ever could, or will. And I don’t regret it for even a second. The world goes on just fine without us and we can go on just fine without it.”
I nodded to the wall that separated our bedroom from the nursery where Amity was soundly sleeping. “And what about her?” I asked. “Do you think the world will get by just fine without her, too?”
My mother grew quiet and pensive. She was like that for a few minutes, silent and thoughtful. She breathed quietly, staring off into the distance, her hand draped gently across my broad chest while I waited for her reply. Finally, she said, “When we were in Maryland, maybe you think I was too focused on the fact that I was about to give birth to our daughter. But I assure you, I saw pretty much everything you did, son. While we’ve been squirreled away here in our little homestead, the world seems to have gotten much bigger and much smaller at the same time. I see the writing on the wall. This Internet thing- it’s going to explode soon. The nurses kept talking about AOL, so I started paying attention to the television and news more while you were out getting our meals or napping. America Online, that’s what they’re calling it. People from all around the world are getting hooked into it. Before long, it’ll get bigger. Things are changing. Technology is growing exponentially. Our father would’ve LOVED to be alive in this day and age, I think. And I think, because of that, because of that alone, the Internet, our daughter is going to need to grow up right along with it. She won’t be able to hide from it and neither will we. The System we have in place to protect us is going to have to change, too. And we need to be ready for that.”
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