I was no less confused the next morning when he left. I finally slept and was woken by what I can only describe as John worshipping my body. He kissed and licked me all over. It was delicious. I came on his tongue but couldn’t relax afterwards when he rolled me onto my stomach. I was relieved when he entered the correct hole and started to get into it. Then the prick had to go and spoil it by reaching over and grabbing the lube again. I told him in no uncertain terms he wasn’t going there again. Shortly after that he took a phone call and announced he had to leave.
The final setting of my resolve was when I realised later he’d been in my vagina without a condom. I’d been on the pill so long and was so distracted by the pleasure of it all I hadn’t noticed at the time. I shuddered at how close to disaster I could have come. I finally knew that no amount of pressure from John would ever change my mind. Looking back over the last few months, I couldn’t remember any of the pleasure or the thrill of the illicitness of it all. However, I could vividly remember the guilt and every shudderingly terrifying time I’d nearly given the game away. No, this would never, ever happen again. With my final decision made, I intended spending every free minute until Monday night thinking of ways to reconnect with my husband. With the decision made I could feel my blood pressure dropping. No more stress, lies, and worry. It was going to be wonderful. I would armour myself against John’s withdrawing his attention when I told him we were finished by booking a spa and hairdressers appointment. I would show him my ego didn’t need him. With my plan in place, I strode into work on Monday morning.
As I went into John’s office, the new girl from the restaurant was just walking out. Her guilty look told me all I needed to know. I was confused. How could John love me, then carry on with someone else? Still, it would make what I had to say easier. John looked sheepish and defensive when I strode in.
“What are you angry about? I said I would stay away from her until you’d finished thinking. I did. You won’t give me what I want, so I have every right to look for it elsewhere.”
All of a sudden it was like a veil was lifted from my eyes. This man was shallow and far from loving me, didn’t give a shit about anyone else but himself. I’d been played like a fiddle. He’d got inside my defences and knowing I would resist his initial advances, had actually manoeuvred me into initiating an affair. An affair in which he’d manipulated me all the way along. He’d used my sense of decency to consent to him to fucking me without condoms. He’d used my disgust at swallowing to get me to agree to him humiliating me by blowing all over my face and, worse, making me think he was doing me a favour by doing that. Which was all bad enough. The fact that I’d been manipulated into allowing him to humiliate my husband by taking my ass in Dave’s bed was suddenly crippling. I saw it all now. None of the last few months had been on my terms and I was nowhere near as clever as I thought.