He finally finished and all the tyres looked good. It was 7:04. I jumped in and started racing home. Now I could ring Dave. There was no answer on either the home phone or Dave’s cell. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. This shit was taking years off my life. The house was empty and silent when I got there. I searched for a note from Dave. There wasn’t one. I guess he was voicing his disapproval by not answering his cell either. I had no idea where he and his friends were going, so there was no point chasing around looking.
That was the first time I realised that John was affecting my marriage. After very little thought, I rang John and reluctantly told him we had to be over. He begged and pleaded, but I was adamant. It felt good, I was back to doing things on my terms. I immediately felt my blood pressure drop.
The next thing I was aware of was being jolted awake by a nightmare. I’d fallen asleep on the couch. In my dream, I’d told Dave I didn’t want his children. The reason was because I’d lost respect for him. He was so naïve at not spotting my affair that, inevitably, it had affected my attitude to him. I dissolved into tears at my waking realisation that the reason he was blissfully ignorant, was that he loved and trusted me so much. I relocated to bed, still sobbing, but sure in the knowledge that breaking up with John was exactly the right thing to do.
Thinking back to that time, I now realise I was jealous of Dave, which made me feel sorry for myself. Why jealous? He obviously loved me far more than I loved him. His love was so deep, it made him naïve. Mine was so shallow, it allowed me to stray.
Amazingly, I went back to sleep. I half woke to the feeling of John between my legs, entering me. That made me wild. I yelled and pushed him away, only fully awakening when I heard Dave say, “Sorry, darling,” from the darkness next to me. Sleep was a long time coming as I worried whether or not I’d yelled, “No, John,” aloud.
Dave was up and gone by the time I roused on Sunday morning. I rang him and was relieved that he’d just gone around to his friend’s house to help clear up the previous night’s mess. I set myself a mission and decided to cook him a fantastic dinner before showing him what he meant to me. You know what I mean. Returning from the shops armed with all my ingredients, I was a little alarmed to see Paula’s car parked next to Dave’s. I was terrified when their conversation stopped abruptly as I walked in the house. What did Paula know? What had she told Dave? With pounding heart, I tried to make conversation, while at the same time trying to judge if either of their attitudes indicated I was busted. Everything seemed normal. You can’t imagine the relief I felt when Paula said my husband mentioned that my 30th birthday was only a couple of months away. By the time they announced that Dave was going to Paula’s apartment to help her with some maintenance jobs, I’d worked it out. They were jointly planning a surprise party. I pretended to be ignorant.