As soon as the waiter brought us our coffees, I said to her – “I don’t know how you will take this, and I don’t know how else to put it, so ill say it right away – I like you and want to be with you”.
She was shell shocked. She didn’t say anything for what felt like eternity. I was trying to maintain eye contact with her but it was difficult because I had absolutely no idea of what to expect. When finally she spoke I felt relief that the tension was broken, although it wasn’t something I wanted to hear.
Rashmi – “we are friends Avinash, more than friends even, but I have never thought of u in that way. Aur waise bhi meri family bahot strict hai and woh is love shove ko kabhi except nahi karenge.”
Me – “yahan main problem kya hai? Is it your parents not excepting or is it that u don’t like me in a more than friends sort of way?”
Rashmi – I don’t know.
That was that. We left CCD and went our different ways. Her saying I don’t know gave a sense of hope and despair at the same time. Late that night she texted me saying let’s go to some quite place and talk tomorrow because we cannot leave things as they are. The next morning we arrived at college she parked her activa and got on my bike and I drove us out of the city to a place where I had gone a few times. It was a small clearing of sorts on top of a hill, with a huge banyan tree in the center. During the evenings this place was busy with students and vendors selling tea and snacks but at this time, in the morning it was practically empty. We sat near the tree on a bench overlooking the cliff. When we were settled she said to me – “Look, I thought a lot about what u said yesterday. What I think is let’s not ruin what we have between us. We have a special bond but let’s not go further……” I was about to speak when she stopped me saying “please let me finish what I have to say” I became quite and listened.
Rashmi – “As I was saying we have become very close. But I have never thought of u as anything more than a good friend – before now. Now that you’ve made me think about it, I must admit, it makes sense. We know each other better than anyone else. And we like each other. But I have been brought up with a golden rule and that is – boys and girls in our community do not get into love marriages. Our marriages are arranged by our parents and that is final. So let’s not complicate our lives.” All this while she was sitting facing the cliff and I was looking at her. Suddenly she turned towards me and said “can we manage that?”
All I cud do was nod in the affirmative. There was nothing I cud say. Nothing I cud do to change her mind. She was adamant and knew exactly how she wanted to approach this situation and I grudgingly had to respect that.
Although I didn’t think it possible, things actually went back to normal after that, better than normal in-fact. We started texting even more. Now I had started actually flirting with her and she always took it jokingly. I used to ask her for good night kisses and her response was always – “u wish” followed by a smiley face sticking it’s tongue out. Even when we went anywhere with our friends she sat with me on my bike which was not the case before me confessing my feelings to her. In fact we started going on trips – just the two of us.
A few months later, we had gone for one such trip and were returning when it started raining. She was wearing denims and a white top that day. We were drenched and her white top had become a little see through. I cud see that she was very embarrassed.
Me: Dekh, mera flat paas main hai. Wahan chalte hain, we can dry ourselves there and ill drop u once the rain stops, or ill get u a taxi. Aesi halat main u cannot go anywhere.