There I was on my bed sobbing and rocking into one of the many “cute” pillows that I had. It was one of the things I splurged on and that was my fortress of solitude. The room was stacked with stuffed animals, some big and others small. They made me feel safe and after a few minutes, I recovered some, but that message was there, staring at me.
Reaching out tentatively, I picked the phone up. Normally the two of us were open. My son was the only connection with any man that I had and so I didn’t want to ruin that.
*Who do you want to fuck?*
I stared at my response for a long time before sending it. Immediately my son responded.
*Crap mom, I’m really sorry. That was meant for someone else*
I could have figured that. Still, it jarred me to receive the original message.
*You know you can talk to me about anything right?*
*Sure mom, but the last thing I want to do is bore you with your son’s sexual musings with his friends*
I was disappointed with the dismissal and couldn’t figure out why. Maybe it was because my son had inadvertently given me a glimpse into something he was willing to experience. On the other hand, maybe it was because the shock had faded and I found myself for the first time curious about sex. What made a woman attractive enough? What kind of woman
did he think was hot?
Fully recovered, I got changed realizing that I was not going back to work at all. One of the benefits of my job is that I could skip out on being there because of a variety of possible excuses. Putting on loose fitting jeans and a baggy shirt, I walked to retrieve my phone after hearing it chime.
*Mom?*
*Yes?*
*I’m really sorry.*
I guess I could understand his nervousness. Wanting to know who he was talking about surprised me, but I asked.
*Who is she?*
*You’re not going to let this go?*
*No.*
Mike was not your typical teenager. He was what could be known as a smart jock. Someone who loved running as much as he loved to read.
*I was talking about my homeroom teacher*
*Oh*
The conversation ended with that. He didn’t reply, no doubt because he was in class now. At home and alone, I decided to take the opportunity to complete a few chores. I was just finishing the dishes when the phone went off.
*Mom, are you okay?*
*Why wouldn’t I be?*
*Just thought I made you mad.*
*Little shocked. Why do you talk like that?*
*Like what?*
*You know, saying fuck.*
He didn’t respond. Sighing, I left the kitchen and went upstairs. There I was back on my bed and so to distract myself, I turned on the television. One thing you wouldn’t know from looking at me is that I am a huge Anime nerd. I put one a new one I had downloaded onto an external hard drive that was connected to the television. Watching, I lost track of time and was brought out of my trance when I heard the front door open and close.
*Is that you?* I texted.
*Yeah.*
*Are you going to answer my question?*
*I used the word for impact, mom. It encompassed how I really wanted to have sex with her.*
*Is this conversation making you uncomfortable?*
*It’s fine. I just feel weird with you wanting to know.*