I drummed my fingers on my knee for a few seconds. “Here’s what I’m going to do.” Sherry nodded. “I’m going to divorce you. Period. I’m not even going to discuss saving this marriage.” Sherry looked like I’d felt the day before.
“You betrayed me. You betrayed our marriage. You betrayed what I thought you were as a person. I don’t want to be married to you.” She gulped and started to cry.
I wasn’t moved.
“You’ve hurt me beyond measure. I don’t think you’ll ever understand what you’ve done to me. I know you love me. Do you hear me? I know you love me. That’s why I’m divorcing you. Because I want to hurt you. I want to hurt you bad. You love me. You lost me. You live with that.”
She made an animal noise. It’s frightening how similar the noises we make in pain are to those we make in pleasure.
“Here’s what I’m going to do. You listening?” Sherry didn’t respond. “You listening?” She bowed her head as yes. “After the divorce is final, after the divorce is final and not a minute before . . . if you’re a good girl, we can start seeing each other. ” Sherry looked at me, her face a mask of sorrow and pain.
“I fell in love with you once. I’ll give you the chance to make me fall in love with you again. I’m not going back. This marriage is over. It’s history. You want me, then you have to catch me all over again. That’s the only way I’ll have anything to do with you.”
Sherry nodded. She bit her lip. He mouth formed the word, “Yes.”
“I’m through with Tom. He was my friend and he fucked me over. That doesn’t get forgiven. If you see him, if you talk to him, then you’re with him and not with me. That’s the way it is. Friends don’t fuck over their friends. He’s not my friend.”
I barely spoke with Sherry during the divorce. We sold the condo and Sherry moved in with her folks while I got an apartment. I saw her father three or four times. We kept it light. I didn’t ask about Sherry, but our meetings sent the message that the deal was still on. With a raised eyebrow, he mentioned my destruction of her clothes. I told him she was lucky she wasn’t there. He understood. I always liked him.
The divorce was final in four months, in slightly less time than the length of Sherry’s affair with Tom. Peg called me twice in the days after the restaurant scene. I waited outside her house until I saw her drive away and then left a message that Tom was out of my life forever and that meant she was out of it too. I told Peg I was divorcing Sherry and that I would consider starting fresh with Sherry only if she stayed away from both Tom and her. She didn’t call again. I heard through friends they were in counseling.
I didn’t want to be around when the divorce became final, so I went on an adventure vacation hiking and climbing in Chile. Had a great time. The physical effort completely cleared out my mind. Sherry left a message on my work voicemail, asking if we could talk. I called her from the taxi taking me home from the airport.
“Hey,” I said. “You still interested in doing this?” The whole cheating and divorce experience had made me more direct.