I almost felt violated. Afraid. Nervous chills ran down my spine and made me shiver despite the hot water trying to warm me up. All the porn I’d watched over the years, all the fantasies I’d had, all the locker room talk at school about sex and women… nothing had prepared me for what this had really been like. None of that felt as real as what had just happened. On the one hand, it had been amazing. Exciting. On the other, actions in the real world… may have consequences. What if mom remembered what had happened when she sobered up?
I didn’t get much sleep that night.
As luck would have it, mom didn’t remember a thing. Apparently, she had woken up on the couch half-way through the night, stumbled up to her room and collapsed on her bed. Then she had fallen asleep again and stayed that way until noon. She never mentioned anything of that night and behaved as if it had never happened. At first, I felt a bit weird eating Sunday lunch with her, but I tried to move past it and act normal.
When she went out to another one of these business dinners a few days later, I got really nervous. Couldn’t think about anything other than what happened the last time. Was it a complete fluke? Was there a chance it could happen again? Did I even want it to happen again? The very opportunity was incredibly exciting, but it was also scary. Really scary. I had been really lucky last time, both in terms of what happened and mom forgetting it all… Having that kind of luck again was really not guaranteed.
I spent hours agonizing over it. Trying to take my mind off it, I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, the living room and my own room. Then I made myself sandwiches, did some school work and watched some Netflix. Anything to not sit still and think about the possibilities of what might happen when mom came home. The anticipation was killing me.
Then she came home… and nothing happened. She hadn’t been drinking much, she was her normal, caring self, and just came home to spend the evening with me and watch some TV. I was actually relieved. I could relax now. Mom really didn’t remember anything, this had been a one-time thing and I didn’t have to worry about any consequences.
After a few more weeks, it almost seemed like a distant dream and part of my brain started questioning if it had even happened. There were still elements of it that I couldn’t forget, though. Specifically: the sensation. Yes, the circumstances were pretty insane, but even though I had been completely unprepared for what happened and that it had been with my mother, the fact remained that I had received my first blowjob and that it felt amazing.
My horny teenage brain would frequently return to that moment in time and let me relive it. Every time, I would obsess over the details. The feeling of her tongue licking over my swollen glans. The way she sucked the head gently as my cum started spewing forth. The way she stroked my thigh before the whole thing started. The delightful sounds she made…
I understood now why some guys were so obsessed with blowjobs. Once you had been there, receiving one from a skilled giver, experiencing that pleasure again was going to be high on your wishlist for a good long while. As time went by and the shock from the event subsided, my fantasies revolved more and more around this.